Tabitha’s Wish was a post I read floating around on Facebook. The story left me reflective and humbled by the ripples that each of our lives creates. Tabitha was a young girl who on her own decided to be an organ donor. No one could have imagined that one-week after signing an organ donor card she would pass away from a rare brain bleed. Her donation went on to save seven lives. This is what her Dad was able to hold onto as he grieved.
This story breaks my heart; I cannot imagine losing a child. I won’t even watch movies like “Taken” or “The Lovely Bones” because it is simply too painful for me to even contemplate. But as I thought of Tabitha’s Wish, I realized how the gift of organ donation had really deeply touched my life.
Steve and I first met decades ago when we were new and fresh in our careers. We had both volunteered to work on our local ADDY Awards show. He’s a bit older than me and I knew him by reputation having been honored with Cinematographer of the Year the previous year. Steve can be a bit intimidating. Think the comedienne Lewis Black or the TV character Lou Grant—remember that line from the Mary Tyler Moore show, “You’ve got spunk…I hate spunk.” Well, that could be Steve.
I became friends with Steve and his wife Jane. When I saw Steve with Jane I quickly realized he is really more like Ferdinand the Bull—big and intimidating, but really all heart. I also knew from the ad community that this was a couple that adored each other. And that Jane had diabetes. From the outside looking in, I did not see the impact of her disease. I just saw this hilarious, fun, welcome-everyone-who–entered-her-home-with-open-arms person.
Over the years that I knew them, I always admired the love they radiated. Jane was Steve’s biggest cheerleader and this bull of a man was always so kind and tender with her. I did not see the devastation this disease brought into their lives.
As some point diabetes destroyed Jane’s kidneys. She got on the transplant list and got the transplant and her life was given back to her and Steve. Her gift of joy, and humor, and selflessness stayed in the world for another 20 years because of a stranger’s donation.
Jane’s health was always in the forefront of her relationship with Steve. They talked of the probability of her going before him. Jane’s wish was for Steve to continue to live his life to the fullest. I read of her death on Facebook with a simple post from a friend, She died in his arms. It was shocking for those of us who knew her; we all felt she would continue to beat the odds. At her funeral I remember the same friend who left the Facebook post saying what would Steve do without Jane.
I don’t know what it’s like to lose your life partner in death, but I do know what it’s like to be single again after decades in married world. It feels like an alternative universe. Steve took to Facebook to fill his alone hours. And I started including him in group invites like the event, Live after Five. I knew it to be a fun, music-filled downtown party that was full of people—couples and singles—that Steve knew. Soon enough he joined the krewe.
Days turned into weeks and into months. Facebook time became face-to-face time. Our friendship started to evolve. We decided it was time to have an official first date, just us. I shared my real concerns up front. I knew I could never compare to what he had and I was not willing to just be a date to “practice” on right after losing his wife. He told me simply that Jane was gone and he would never compare me or anyone to her. He was in a new chapter of his life.
Steve and I fell fast and hard for each other. It was in those first few intense weeks as we became a couple that I first felt Jane’s blessing. Steve was getting his house ready for an estate sale. He was boxing up things to keep and things to sell. He casually handed me a book that he said was something Jane liked and maybe I would too. It was a book of daily affirmations for every day of the year. It had a bookmark in it, which is where I opened it up to. It was marked on the current day. It said that to enjoy each moment and to live it to the fullest, you never knew where you’d be one-year from today. I asked Steve if he had bookmarked it for me and he had not. We both knew it was an angel sending us a message that we were meant to be.
I will forever be grateful for Jane, Steve’s soul mate. How could I not be, she taught him how to love deeply. That ability to love continues in the world today.
Yes, love endures and lives on. Sign the organ donor box on the back of your driver’s license. It’s really that easy to leave the gift of love.
Me and my sweetie, Steve
Thank you for your kind words . here is the link to Tabitha’s wish http://www.facebook.com/tabithaswish
Duncan, thank you for sharing Tabitha’s Wish and your story. I hope you take comfort in knowing that you are having an impact in someone’s life that you don’t even know. —Connie
Beautiful story, Connie. I knew Steve and Jane as well and their deep love for each other. I didn’t know the story of how y’all got together so thanks for sharing it. Y’all always look so happy together and I am glad both of you found love again.
Connie, this is such a beautiful story. Fate brought you and Steve together and blessed you with happiness. Wishing you many more years of bliss.
Thanks Helene, I really do feel the universe’s blessing.
Connie: such an essential message to live right now, one we surely learn more and more about every year of our lives.
Because my new love at age 50 has been a man with CFS, I related fully with your perception about “not seeing the impact of her disease.” I have learned so much by living with a man with a chronic illness. It is one of the greatest challenges of aging, and one most of us will learn either with an illness ourselves, or as a caregiver.
Laure Lee, I appreciate your comment. Steve has actually thought to write about the reality of living with a spouse with diabetes. But I think it’s too hard for him to do, at least right now. Go hug your man for me.
I got chills reading this. What a life- and love-affirming story!
Thank you, we just celebrated the third anniversary of our first kiss.
Checked (my driver’s license for organ donor). Your very personal and moving story is another reminder why.
Barbara, it’s such a easy and simple thing to do. You never know the lives you may touch by being a donor.
This is an amazing story. I’m so glad you and Steve found happiness together, and I’m sure Jane is smiling down on you. And I have to say, I love your husband’s face – you can see all of the fun and love in his heart through his smile.
He is my sweetie! And I do feel blessed.
What a beautiful story! I’m so glad you found one another…you look so delighted to be together.
Karen
The best thing is at this age, we do know how lucky we are!
Beautifully told; I love that you are able to appreciate his life with Jane and not feel threatened by it. That takes so much love and grace.
Thanks for your comment Ginger. She taught him to love, how could I be jealous of that.
Second chances are wonderful.
yes they are!
Such a tender story. I read a statistic somewhere that people who were happily married are more likely to have a second happy marriage later in life. In one way, it doesn’t seem fair, but I think there’s something to “learning to love deeply” as you say.
I’ve had to learn that he does things for me just because he loves me. I always tell him how grateful I am and I never take the things he does for granted. It’s been a learning experience for me because my first marriage was not easy.
All I can say is “wow.”
To the generosity all ’round, the openness of spirit that know how to see a partner and love, and the heart that expands to love again.
I also admire your willingness and bravery in plunging in again after divorce. It’s terribly hard. For some of us, more than others.
I was 5 years post divorce when Steve and I started dating. I wouldn’t have been ready for it before then. I’ve come to accept that we are exactly where we are suppose to be.
I didn’t know about this part of your relationship – you know my brother Donnie’s story and how fully and deeply I believe that God places us where we must be. What a beautiful blessing you both have in one another.
Hugs to you and your brother
A very touching story. I wish you the very best!
thank you
What an amazing story — I have tears in my eyes. Thanks for sharing and for showing the importance of becoming an organ donor.
Thank you for commenting Lois
This is such a sweet, tender, and loving story. What a great Lifetime movie this would make.
I agree that Jane was sending her blessing. She can rest easy knowing her beloved is once again happy.
I believe that too Bonnie
What a great story! So honest. So mature. I loved it!
I tell everyone I’m his sweet young thing (I’m 55).
Here’s to hoping you’re still saying this at75!
🙂
Love endures and lives on… Indeed. What a wonderful and uplifting story
I appreciate your comment.
What an unexpectedly beautiful story; thank you for sharing; and how lucky both of you are to have found your way to love and appreciate each other.
I am one lucky woman!
That is a beautiful love story. I am moved to tears by your love for Steve, but also your love for Jane. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you for making me feel so welcome in GenFab.
I signed mine, years ago…. It makes sense to pass on something valuable when you no longer need it. Nice write, Connie …..
Thanks
What a beautiful story. So happy you found each other and love once again.
Kathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com
What a touching story!!! Thank you so much for sharing it, Connie!
Susan, thanks for your comment.
What a beautiful story. So happy for the joy you both share.
Thanks Mindy
Totally teary right now. This is a beautiful story. I would want my husband to be happy like that if he outlives me. It would be the best thing I could hoe for him.
Thank you for your comment. Believe it or not, it can make me tear up too!
What a beautiful story. Made me tear up!! Thank you so much for sharing.
Lynne, thanks for stopping by. It may sound strange, but I tear up when I read it too.
THANK YOU for sharing Tabitha’s wish
Duncan, this has been one of my most popular blog posts. I hope it has driven some traffic to Tabitha’s Wish.
What a wonderful story, on so many levels.
Thanks Sheryl.
A lovely story and a great reminder of so many things: that life is short…that new love is possible…that the ones we hold dear live through us..thank you so much for sharing this.
Mindy
lubeoflife.com
I appreciate your comment Mindy.
I love the way you describe Steve, because Dave can be intimidating to people and underneath he’s just a big Luv. As usual Connie, you speak of such important things that make life complete- love and loss, and finding it again. Thanks for the wonderful reminders! XO Virginia
Hugs to you Virginia, I look forward to meeting your sweetheart someday.
thanks for the repost
thanks for the repost
This was such a great story Connie. You made me cry – in a good way! Very touching. And the message of living life to the fullest, so true. Loved it!
Thanks Fern. I laughingly say my Indian name is “She Who Weeps” so I understand the tears.
thanks for the repost